Not religious at all but I don't like when people in internet games say they're God

“Applewood smoked”? I bet that's gonna taste like apples! *tries the food* Ahh it just tastes like smoke

Played in a Go tournament last weekend and won 4 of 6 games! My rivals increase in number

The Limp Bizkit and Oakleys marketing in Mission Impossible 2 really worked on some of my grade 10 classmates

There are too many vibes these days

*writing up an invoice* Aw yes, father needs some new CONSUMER GOODS

*listening to a recording of myself singing and playing guitar* ooof, I'm no Boyce Avenue

I have always despised the Animaniacs. Too zany for my liking... exhausting to even think about

After a Bulk Barn visit, it's peanuts for dinner

Wore a shirt with a bird on it to the gym because I don't have one that says, “Has Autism”

I should really dial back on my spending... *five minutes later* Yes I would like to order a Shrimp Cocktail

*my new product completely fails* uh oh, better throw on some Dido and get out the stuffed goose

Thinking of becoming the Ja Rule of Go

I too have a tech company I'd like to sell to a big firm for $6.5 billion

Opening my Wikipedia app in front of someone and the article for Ham pops up

AI was only good for about one week before that endless Seinfeld stream capitulated to legal pressures

If I'd been alive 100 years ago I probably would have written some screwball comedies

99% done this project but I may be too tired to complete the final percent of tasks

ME: you should learn Go FRIEND: ok I will learn Go! ME: ahhh don't ruin your life like I did

After a few Curb your Enthusiasm episodes I start to cause more trouble in restaurants

*gets a single day of warm sunshine* it would take an ARMY of billion dollar AIs to compete with me on a creative level. Would any Royalty like to marry me

So that English Lit degree was a complete waste of time... now you can just ask books what they're talking about

THE AGENT TRACKING MY MOVEMENTS: ah, he's spending time at a “third space”, not the home or workplace, but a recreational or social hub where community can flourish

I think over the next ten years we'll transition from a “How I Met Your Mother”-type society into a “The Road”-type society