Watching the US push away all its friends as it gets ever deeper into cryptocurrency is only funny because I did the EXACT same thing once

Thinking of applying for some dental hygienist positions

If you use “Here's why:” in an internet post, your computer should automatically self-destruct

Talked to several people who smashed up ice this winter and really needed it

I want to build a website so ubiquitous that even if people hate me they still have to use it sometimes

The ladies of TLC would definitely say I was a Scrub for not having a car or passport. Other ladies too probably

I would thrive in a low-security prison environment

Charlie just turned 11! This is the year he goes digital

Apologies in advance for asking you for money in the most convoluted way possible

I'm so glad the ⚫ and ⚪ emoji exist. For Go software development reasons

Haven't bought new technology in like 5 years and now I get mystified by features on my cousin's iPad

I was really hoping to finish this latest project before North America collapses but it's gonna be close

Adding more Go functionality to the new corporate lobby

Engaging in “Nicecore Capitalism” by not advertising too aggressively

Said “Kill me” too many times near my phone for having an awkward social interaction and now I'm getting ads for MAID

I sort of liked the postal strike... didn't have to check the mailbox

They call me the human finance department because I'm really quiet and sometimes I screw up the accounting

I will succeed at ANY cost *the bill comes due* I uh cannot afford this cost

Consumer... must... have.... short form video....

Slept for over 12 hours last night, because #winter

Had a straight-up bacon sandwich for dinner, because #winter

I'm a frustrating person to live with, but turns out (thanks youtube), it's because I'm rarest male type