Careful, eclipse-watchers! The totality is a prime opportunity for pickpockets

I could have never guessed as a kid that my peanut butter and honey habit would be so expensive

Sometimes when opportunity knocks I don't answer the door because they should have texted first

Can't let my hair get to a certain length or else I end up with Cillian Murphy in Red Eye energy

CEO OF PLASTIC CONTAINER COMPANY: our products must be as painful to open as possible EMPLOYEE: are you sure– CEO: yes. this should be true of EVERY plastic container

These days, AI could probably make Diamond Find in a few hours, but back in 2011 I had to do it all myself

https://mirthturtle.com/diamondfind

Eating the most disgusting oatmeal slop for breakfast every day so that when I finally let myself make waffles again I'll have a religious experience

Innoculating myself against future heartbreak by getting emotionally attached to my rotating 2FA token

In the art world it's considered scuzzy to use AI because it takes work away from artists and is built on mass plagiarism, but in programming everyone is soulless so those aren't really concerns

My favourite thing about UFOs/UAPs is they just faff around to confuse everyone and then disappear

When C&C Music Factory said, “I paid the price to control the dice, I'm more precise, to the point I'm nice” it fundamentally shaped my philosophy on responsible use of power, and also dancing

A new edition of GHOSTCRIME has been released! Same classic story, with more bonus material and minor corrections.

https://mirthturtle.com/ghostcrime

Going crazy and rambling to my former bosses about force multipliers

Trying this thing where I stream every day this week but I can already see why people don't do this

Tax regulations are always like, “your return is due in three months... but any balance owing is due Yesterday”

I guess I should stop at nothing to succeed but I'm sort of tired

Next time it's summer I need to make a video for myself about how winter will eventually end

Doing taxes is like writing an exam about your bank account

Charlie is ten today! 🧁

The best things to invest in these days are like, “What if you could trade tokenized real estate... BETWEEN blockchains?”

Tried to infiltrate the Cats subreddit but I haven't commented on enough cats yet

Rebuilt my Corsi-Rosenthal box

Online banking should play a brief celebration GIF if you make a huge deposit or reach certain thresholds. Maybe they do

I've never been one to say, “That's a great question.” I'll just answer the question without complimenting it